I read an article about these fantastic mothers in Connecticut who are trying to break down the concept of the mummy wars. I don’t think I am an overly opinionated mother, I think I have mentioned before that sometimes my opinions aren’t that strong simply because I’m just too tired to be that passionate about anything really. Do you want to know what I feel strongly about? One word. Survival. Just do what you need to do to get through that day. If at the end of the day your kids are happy, well-fed (or even just fed) and somewhat polite children, then you are doing a fabulous job. If you can also do this having showered, eaten and brushed your teeth that day, well then that’s a double bonus!
I think the ‘mummy wars’ starts at pregnancy, I remember getting a funny look when I ate some frozen yogurt. I started eating it, delicious spoon by even more delicious spoon and my friend finally blurted out “it’s so good that your so relaxed about eating things like this, I was way too worried about listeria”. Insert judgemental face. All of a sudden delicious double chocolate turned sour. I mean I wasn’t sitting there downing vodka from the bottle, it was just a little bit of yummy indulgence!
And then the questions…oh the questions. Are you going to have a natural birth? My first thought was always to slap these mothers that asked the question. Why did it matter whether I used drugs to decrease the pain to my who-ha! What was it their business? Was I going to breastfeed? My thoughts on circumcision… ? Was I going to start a routine straight away? Dummies..and which kind? Will the baby sleep in my bed, my room and then in a bassinet or a cot? aghhhhh!
I decided the mummy wars have to end. We are ALL so hard on ourselves as mothers, we never stop and congratulate ourselves on the brilliant job we are doing and it certainly doesn’t help that we also worry about what others think of us. To work or stay at home? Having a big family versus a small one? What and how we feed our children? To breastfeed and if so for how long? Routine versus none.. All these decisions are completely overwhelming, we need to all agree that we are doing our absolute best for ourselves and for our children. That’s it. End of story.
So before you go to judge someone, just stop. Remember that they are doing the best they can for their child. Remember that they agonised over each decision to get to that point. Remember that just because they chose something different, they are right but yes so are you. They are doing whatever they need to get through that day, that week, maybe even that hour! So what if their child is still in nappies at age 3! So what if they were formula fed! So what if they came out downstairs naturally or had to go through the roof! I mean when you are at a job interview are you quizzed on that?!?… When you are applying for uni – does it matter if you were breastfed! So what if you were born in a bath tub, you’re there to tell the (cool) story right? So what if the grandparents help to co-parent! So what if you feed your children kosher, organic, gluten free, dairy free, whatever-you-want-free! These are your children! They are allowed to have the issues with you one day…but not other judgemental mummies! So what…..they all eventually have to be unhappy with us for something, make sure that something has conviction!
Thank you to the brave women that helped with this blog and are trying to stop the mummy wars! You tell em girls!